Of my many clients I have given some nick-names. Of course, they aren't aware of this fact. It's more like, "Well, I'm off to work. Today I've got Crazy Republican at 10, ambiguously gay veterinarian at 1, The Debater at 2, and Unicorn Grandma at 4:30."
"Unicorn Grandma" is not a unicorn. Hell, she's not even a Grandma. Her name is Sherri, a very attractive, successful medical sales rep in her mid-thirties. Of Sherri's many quirky family members there is one we affectionately call "Unicorn Grandma."
When Sherri's younger sister got married a few years ago her new husband came with some fun accessories. The best of which was a grandmother whom wears a unicorn horn at all times. No, she is not mentally ill. She is of a mental state far superior to illness. She just doesn't give a shit. At some point she decided she liked unicorns and their magical power. She deduced that this power must be held within the beautiful, single, glistening horn atop their heads. She fashioned herself a horn; actually many horns. She owns horns of all sizes, and for all occasions. The more important the event, the larger and more elaborate the horn. For the wedding she wore a tasteful cream, pearl and lace horn affixed to her head with the ever present chin-strap.
Sherri's father was furious, screaming, "I paid $4000 for these photographs, and she's got a fucking horn on her head."
It was all fun and games until Sherri's sister and "Unicorn Grandson" had their first child. One day a package arrived in the mail from Grandma, a onesie, or perhaps booties she was sure. Inside was a tiny baby horn....the first of many. Within her arose a deep rage....calmly she hid the horn in the back of the closet in her bedroom. Later she would lament, "My son is never going to wear a fucking horn on his head!"
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3 comments:
Hysterical!
You know, the Village could do with some festive unicorn head gear.hummmmm
I can see us now: all sitting at the point for sunset, horned, drinking margarittas, and talking to Lucky. I am guessing we will not get Glenn to join in.
I can't believe I logged on to see Unicorn Grandma! We just came back from the annual fruitcake toss in Manitou Springs (where there was no shortage of fruitcakes). Two women (middle aged and grandma) walked by, wearing castle hats with points, and I wondered aloud to Vic if it was unicron grandma - not realizing he had just read the posting this morning....and yea, that was this comment I deleted - to fix a word and to add that I doubt one can be so sure about Glenn not joining in the wearing of the horns. He is, after all, the one who last year wore his Christmas gift of a rubbermaid spoon holder as a codpiece.
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