Genetically Bootylicious

So Wednesday I go to pick up my wedding dress from Ursula's Alterations. Ursula had hemmed the dress - mostly in the front. It is a full length MOG (mother of the groom) number with lots of glitter and a long zipper down the back that won't lay flat when I try the dress on. On my first visit, Ursula had kindly opined in her German accent that this is the result of it being one of those nylon zippers. On my return visit, Ursula's assistant seemed pleased when she saw the dress and hem length until she saw the back zipper and commented "dress too tight here" while tugging at the fabric. This whole episode put me in the mind of an earlier family booty story about Aug being fitted for a tux for Glenn's wedding. The jacket had one of the center flaps at the back hem, and the sales clerk commented: "It will lay flat when you take the wallet out of your back pocket" - to which Aug sadly responded that there was no wallet in his pocket. I called him last night to verify the facts before writing this blog, and he reminded me that at the time Glenn offered, "Tell her 'If you have a spike up front, you might as well drive it with a hammer.' " (Fortunately, my dress comes with a jacket.)