They just all look the same don't they?

As a preface, and as everyone might know by now, I work for a Korean Company.

Anyway, upon my return from a recent business trip, I met with my boss to discuss what I had accomplished, we went over some questions, opinions, etc., The following day however he sent me an email asking me various questions about my trip. At first I thought it was a little odd because we went over most of the stuff already, but nonetheless I figured maybe he wanted a recap in writing, so I obliged.

As time went on we discussed more topics, resolved some more issues, etc., and yet again I got an email from him asking again some of the same questions that I'd thought we already answered. This time however, in the email, I had to use wording like "as per our previous discussion" and "as you mentioned", etc., in hopes of refreshing his memory a little. I even went and spoke with another manager to see if she knew why he was sending me these emails after we had already spoken about the matters at length... maybe he was tired or stressed I wondered.

Last night I got another email from him, and at the end of the email he said "Please respond before you leave" and I looked at the time of the email and it said 6:40pm and I almost spit out my cold coffee "as if" I thought to myself... he knows I'm out the door at 4:59:59.

Then it hit me. It wasn't my boss sending me the emails - it was someone from our Seoul, Korea office. See my boss' name is, at least as I call him, "W.Y.Kim" (they use initials in the US) his full name, as it appears in email (as I know now) is "Kim.Wonyong" and I was getting emails from "Kim.Woohyong" who is actually "W.H.Kim" as in "Woo Hyung", where as my boss is Won Yong... I guess it's true what they say... they do all look alike.

Plumbing Problems Can Be a Pisser

(Basic Guidelines to Problem Solving and Decision Processes Concerning Location and Repair of Water Leaks or Advice to Polvo)

1. Ask yourself what causes you to think there is a problem. This is very important and often where you will go wrong. Don’t react to what they think the problem is. Instead, seek to understand more about why you think there is a problem. First things first: In a potential water leak situation, make sure there is an actual water puddle. Do not be tricked by some “maybe this - maybe that” stain, dampness, slight wetness, vague moldy-fungus smell, or the fact that some family member slipped and fell on the floor. All of these things can be ignored or put off. If you even think there is a possibility of a water leak, observation of a water puddle is a must.

2. Circle the puddle with a magic marker to determine if it is getting bigger. Hell, it may go away. If it doesn’t dry up and disappear, watch it for a minimum of 7 days. Don’t start wasting your leisure time and limited brain power worrying about a potential water leak until you have something to worry about. Jesus H. Christ, we all have enough problems in this world to keep us occupied without looking for more. (This 7 day observation period may need to be modified or severely shortened if your wife finds out about the puddle and starts riding your ass to do something.)

3. Step three is evaluating the puddle to determine best course of action. If the puddle shrinks and goes away, you are home free. If the puddle stays the same size, determine if you can live with it. If the puddle gets larger you need to start thinking about causes. Note: do not spring into action; a little thinking now can save you a lot of work later.

4. You need to broaden you knowledge of puddle history when trying to determine possible causes. I suggest a few afternoons/evenings of drinking beer and brainstorming with buddies at the local sports bar. This may not help you with the puddle problem, but is fun during football and basketball season, when Tiger woods is in the chase, Jeff Gordon is making a final pit stop or happy hour. Guys drinking seem to have (or think they have) vast knowledge of assorted problems and solutions. Ease the puddle problem into the conversation, sit back and enjoy another long neck Coors and listen up. You are going to discover a multitude of causes and solutions. Probably none will be related to your specific situation, but it is always good to hear about others having worse problems than you have. And keep in mind: One of these yappers could (A) have a cousin that is a plumber, (B) possibly know a plumber, or (C), if you hit the jackpot, actually be a plumber. This is sometimes valuable future information. However be very, very careful about approaching plumbers or discussing water leaks with them. They are pretty tight lipped with any really helpful “free” information and always have this wild and crazy idea about getting paid somewhere in the back of their minds.

Bottom line: think of all the possible causes of a puddle on the floor.

5. Try to rule out by observation as many puddle causes as you can. Is this a spilt bottle of bleach, Windex, or beer? Is it a roof leak caused by a tornado? (Hint: look up…..do you have a roof?) Did the dog, a neighbor, the meter reader, or some visiting relative just pee on the floor? Is this a sign from god? (If so, try to think of ways to cash in on the face-of-Mary-shaped puddle.) And some really important stuff like: is the puddle near the sink, bathtub, refrigerator, air conditioner, or washer? Etc.

6. Make sure you understand your role in this specific problem. Ask yourself: was this puddle caused by any action (of lack of action) on my part? Did your wife tell you to do something or not do something that may have caused this? This is very important. Think hard. When initial discussions of the problem begin….and you can bet your sweet ass they will.......I mean come on now, you know these types of chickens will always come home to roost. You want to make sure you are not fumbling for words or making up lame shit on the fly. (That adlib approach never works for a guy and you know it.) Do not ever ever ever ever enter into the “problem-was-caused by” stage of the conversation unprepared. Imagine yourself standing there with nothing but the truth to offer…...not a pretty sight.
If the answer is yes; you did something wrong….. begin thinking of an alibi, excuse, or someone to pass the blame to immediately. (May want to consider another run to the sports bar.)
If this is one of those extremely rare instances…like once in a lifetime happenings…… where you didn’t have anything to do with causing the problem (or you can look your wife in the eye and say that with a straight face) enjoy the moment. Relax, have a beer.

7. So now, say you may have identified the problem as something to do with the washer area. Your days of research, observation, and calculations have narrowed it down to the washing machine: reservoir tank, valve, water supply, hose, fittings, or tub. Before going any further, think about alternatives to resolving the problem. Can we just not wash clothes for a while? Can we put a towel over the puddle each day? Can the dog lick the puddle up as needed? Can we step over the puddle and pretend it is not there?

If none of these seem like a workable solution, you need to start thinking about fixing the leak.


8. Select an approach to resolve the problem. Consider all avenues, even radical solutions like calling a plumber before you actually decide to risk your life, waste several days, and eventually end up spending more money than you would have by hiring a plumber and do it yourself.

9. First you stand and try to look behind the machine for a clue. You don’t have the flashlight so you cup your hands around your face, like this is going to help. This never works. Next you start reaching into the accessible areas of the washing machine. This never works because it would be too easy and everyone would do it. You finally decide to crawl behind the machine just because you have run out of options based on your limited knowledge of water leak identification.


10. Now listen up………at this point it is best to go take a pee before trying to climb behind the washer. It is pretty much a given that once you hang over the machine, avoid the shelf hanging over the machine, snake your self down thru spider webs, hoses, wires, and pipes that you are going to have to take a piss. You will find yourself upside down, trapped, and having to pee each and every time. You can’t call for help. You can’t go up or down. And you are going to have to pee.