Follow up....

As a follow up to the previous "re-told" story about the Dr. Pepper explosion... while no pictures were taken at the time of the incident, this unidentified writer was able to re-inact part of the incident for investigators and has provided the following photos.

A day in the life with rain and canaloupe.

So I have been in the Florida house a day or two. I get up this afternoon and decide to ride my bike to the grocery store: Publix. My main purpose is to take my receipt with me and get a replacement cantaloupe for the bad one I got the other day. I started to cut it for breakfast and it had mold on the rind. I think Publix has some policy that seems like “if you ain’t happy we ain’t happy”. I figure what the hell…I ain’t happy about this worthless cantaloupe. Which I should have been suspicious of to begin with because it was labeled an “Athenian” cantaloupe…whatever the hell that means. So I cruise over by boan and bay-bo's on the Publix run. They are working in the back yard and wander out front to chat. I tell boan that she has a package on her front porch and a flyer stuck in the door. Being naturally curious and with time to kill, I wait for her to look at both of them. Boan has just received a package from UPS or FedEx. She opens it up and it's a stainless steel water bottle. She and Abbzug were discussing the fact that reusing plastic water bottles could be toxic….so she ordered this safe stainless one for their bike rides. I said I had heard that too as I took a swig from my water-refilled-Gatorade-plastic-bottle. Bay-bo has a mallet in his hand and claims to be fixing their gate locks. They spy a bottler of tea sitting on their new wall. Apparently Boan had left it there earlier in the day. I allowed as to how P-Lou and I had both left our keys sticking out of the door lock in the past few days. Seems forgetfulness is common in the village.

I bid adieu and begin to pedal down the street to Publix. I see Vail the plumber working on his small house next door to his big house. I wheel around and hail him with "do you know what you are doing?" He says he is putting a solar heating panel on the roof. We discuss the merits of solar heat, 50 gallon water heaters, and O’Doul’s. He said he wants to lose some weight so he has been drinking O’Doul’s and likes the taste. Said it cost about the same as beer but has a different taste. I can't remember drinking any O’Doul’s but now may reconsider. After about 15 minutes of conversation I am ready to head to Publix.

I start down the road on my bike again determined to go to Publix. Pedaled into the town and out…cruising on 58th street….hair flying in the breeze……life is good…… I see a woman get out of a car and walk over towards an old man lying on the sidewalk. She waves at me to come over. I stop and get off my bike….. cross the road and we approach the guy. He is lying on his back and seems to be awake. He has really thick glasses and stares at us like we are aliens. "Are you ok? Do you need any help? Are you hurt?" He grunts that he is ok, just needs help getting up. He had fallen backwards and cracked his head....no blood. The woman kindly asks if he has been drinking or is on some medication. . He said no, he just has trouble walking. Another guy , Alex, stops and helps me get "George" up to the standing position. George wobbles but he doesn't fall down…….if we both hold him. George is 79 and lives down the road alone and wants to go home. After some more discussion and grunts we put George between Alex and me with an arm over each of our shoulders and begin walking him home...slowly. The woman says she will stay there and watch my bike while we take the guy home. I notice she is in a Jeep Liberty with what appears to be her teenage daughter, so I am guessing my bike is safe. (And I feel I can trust her because now every time I see a Jeep …… I think of Jay being in that Jeep TV commercial with the singing birds, squirrels, and wolf) George is short, overweight, and large of stomach so me and Alex are humped over walking squat-crab like down the road with George between us. We finally get George home and he doesn't want to go in the house. We sit him in a plastic chair in the drive-way. He assures us he is ok. I have my doubts but Alex and I leave him there. I walk back to my bike a block or two away. The woman was true to her word, standing vigilantly beside my bike. We all mumble some "have to look out for each other" statements and disperse. I mount up, turn around and pedal down to the village police station. I think someone needs to check on George or at least be aware of the situation. Our village police station office closes at 4:30 PM...It’s 4:36 PM. I walk up to the police office door and press the intercom and tell the Voice a readers digest condensed version of what is happening with George. the Voice says hang on and some one will let you in. I wait. P-Lou calls me on the cell phone wanting to know where I am. I start talking to her on the cell phone and the Voice says something else. I press the button again and talk to the Voice. It says "open the right door". I try the right door and it doesn't move. I tell P-Lou I will call her back. I press the intercom button again. I am trying to talk as the Voice is trying to talk. Finally I get in the building. I tell the officer the story. He says he will go check on the guy. The officer asks my name and date of birth. I give him my middle name and last name, because I am from the south and when people say: what is your name? I always say "Vic". He then throws me a curve and asks for my middle name. He has me now. I have to admit my middle name is Victor. I tell him my real first name. He eyes me suspiciously and writes my full name and a small spiral note pad. He wants my phone number now too.

I leave the police office and pedal back to my house. Explain to P-Lou the story of my travels and why after 1-1/2 hours I haven't been to the store yet. I take a pee and refill my plastic drink bottle, get back on my bike and head for Publix ….again. And just for the hell of it , I retraced my route back to George's house. George and Alex are sitting out in plastic chairs in the driveway. I stop and talk to them a few minutes. George seems ok. He said are you Victor? The policeman came by and said you asked him to check on me. I was amazed that the policeman actually went and checked on George. I pedal off again to Publix….about 3 miles down the road.

Almost there and the rain and lightning start. I just make it to Publix and the bottom falls out. About a million gallons of water pour from the heavens. I go into the market. I explain to the service desk lady the deal about the cantaloupe. She tells me to go get another one and bring it to the service desk. I grab a melon, check out at the desk and head out the door. About 40 people are all standing in the doorway because it is raining cats and dogs and nobody wants to go out the door. I butt my way through the crowd and go outside but stay under the overhang. P-Lou calls and asks if it is raining. I said yea I will just wait it out before coming back home. She said she has talked to Bay-bo and he will drive his truck down to get me and my bike. I said don’t worry about it. She said Bay-bo is already on the way. I wait under the overhang for Bay-bo. I have my cantaloupe in hand and watch the rain fall, people get wet, and cars slow down.

Bay-bo pulls up in his big 4 door crew cab black truck and motions for me to take my bike and fat ass down the walkway a bit so he can pull up next to the curb. I walk my bike down and meet him past the restaurant. It is raining like hell now. We can hardly see each other. I stand under the overhang and watch as he hops in the back seat, opens the passenger side front and back doors and shouts through a curtain of water: “hand me the groceries”. I hand him the cantaloupe. He stares at the one item and then at me in disbelief………and asks “that’s all???”. (I assume when he volunteered to come and get me that he thought I had ridden my bike to the grocery store, bought several bags of food, my bike baskets were overflowing. And I really needed a ride home.) So I walk my bike behind his truck, he jumps out and helps me load it up. We get back in the cab. Both soaking wet. Fortunately, Bay-bo had the foresight to bring a dry towel with him. We dry off and head home.

I am thinking on the ride home. I sure hope this is a good damn cantaloupe. I would hate to have to bring it back tomorrow.

Re-told

Entitled "Tuesday" (Written again by unnamed family friend....)



So, I went on a Starbucks run today; the nearest is about 12 minutes away. I was sent to get a hot chocolate, venti iced coffee and grande vanilla bean frap with an extra shot. I ordered and the total was $10.63. My coworkers had given me $7 in cash but I was just going to use my debit card to pay. So I looked in my purse and no wallet. This morning I had realized I didnt have my wallet, but did have my debit card, so I thought I was cool unless they asked me for ID. Anyway, so I start looking through all the little pockets and couldn't find my card. I thought maybe I had left it in my car this morning when i got coffee so I went to look. I couldn't find it so considered driving all the way back to work or gathering all the loose change to pay the difference. I looked all through my car and found a handful of nickles and dimes. My coffee had spilled in the center console and the change was all stuck together and was really really gross. So I went back in and the cashier was just kinda waiting for me... I had to go in the bathroom to rinse off the change so I could SEPERATE it.... I FINALLY got it all unstuck and went to pay and I was STILL short 2.86. The cashier was looking at me like, really?? You are that broke and you are spending the last bit of your money on coffee?? So I guess she felt bad for me and took off the charge for the extra shot, the total was something like 1.76. So I pulled out this REALLY old used gift card I had saved to give to my daughter and told her to try it. She said "Well if you don't know the amount on the card it probably won't work". I had no idea if there was any money on it... so she tried it and it didn't work for the total so she tried it again for $1.50. Thank god it worked that time! So I still owe starbucks some change... pathetically she took it out of the tip jar.

Seriously... every day this is my life.

Re-Told.....

Entitled .... "Monday" (By a family friend)

So, in order to get Diet Dr. Pepper here at my office I have to walk about half a mile to the other office and buy them from one of the sales teams refrigerator. I really wanted one so I walked over there to get one and they were not in the refrigerator yet; but I bought 2 any way, thought I would store one over here for next time. SO, on the way back I stopped in the breakroom/cafeteria thing to get ice so that I could drink one of the sodas.There were about 60 people eating lunch and hanging out- some of the execs were in their as well. I washed my cup and filled it with ice and was carrying the 2 sodas and my cup out and somehow both sodas slipped out of my hand and fell on the ground. They both exploded and starting spouting out soda like a sprinkler. Diet Dr. P was spraying all over the place and the cans were spinning in circles. I wasn't sure if I should grab them really fast and head for a sink or wait for them to slow down, either way, I was already getting soda all over me and so were all the people in their nice work clothes in the area. What made it worse, their was a huge floor fan right where the drinks fell and the air was literally blowing the DDP all over everyone! People were jumping all over the place and screaming.... it was pretty funny and embarassing. Anyway, I finally grabbed them and ran over to the sink, but the soda was ALL OVER the floor (and all over my coworkers)..... I started cleaning it up and misstepped and slid one foot almost all the way across the floor... so I was basically doing the splits and the only way I could get up was to sit down in the soda pool, everytime I tried to get my footing I would just slip more. I finally got up and EVERYONE was laughing at me. Finally, some guys helped me clean up the mess.... this one guy had on a pink lightweight button down shirt and it was so wet... and spotty...so... yeah. I had the whole fight or flight moment and decided to not run out (although I TOTALLYwanted to) I started chatting people up, trying to be all funny and got this guy to buy me a new soda. But, I look so gross today, my hair is all wet with soda and sticking to my face and halfway in a ponytail and half all over the place. My clothes don't match, I look like I had an accident in my pants and I have no makeup and bags under my eyes.... so I couldnt even try and play 'cute'.... for reals... this just happened.