The (re) telling

In one of my classes, the teacher asked us to discuss your own early language and communication socialization. How was it structured? How did it orient you to your family, cultural values, social position? What do you take for granted because of how you were socialized to communicate? How does it affect your perception/evaluations of people from similar and/or different backgrounds? Does gender matter?

I spent my formative childhood years in the 50’s and 60’s in central Florida. I was raised in a traditional Deep South rural lower economic blue collar environment. The small town I lived in was racially segregated with all minorities living in one section of town. I never had a black classmate in my schools until my senior year in high school, 1968. My dad was a block mason who worked six days a week and my mom was a stay-at-home mom till I was about 15 years old. My brother and I often worked with my dad after school and on weekends. It was expected for everyone to help out around the house with housework, mowing the yard, laundry, and shopping. Most of the women in our neighborhood didn’t work outside of the home. I went to the local country school with the same people from 1st thru 12th grade. Seldom did any one move in or out of our schools or neighborhoods.

All of my neighborhood people spoke the same language, attended the same schools, and went to the same Baptist churches. We spoke with deep southern accents and we kids used a lot of slang (but not around our parents or older people!). Supper time was about the only time that we actually sat down and talked as a family. Everyone ate supper at the same time every night (except Sunday) around 5 PM. Supper consisted of my dad and mom talking about my dad’s work day, mom’s household experiences, and neighborhood happenings. Mostly the kids kept quiet and listened. This was also the time when we were asked about school work. This was also the time we were called out for getting in trouble at school. It all seemed normal and relaxed but not a whole lot of interaction verbally. We kids didn’t talk that much as we just wanted to get through eating, do the dishes, and go back outside to play.

Sundays involved going to church in the morning but we watched football on TV in the afternoon. Lots of friends and family came over as we were the gathering place for the neighborhood. It was a multigenerational affair: young kids, teenagers, parents, grandparents, girlfriends, and neighbors. Everyone spoke freely and it was fun and entertaining. The older people drank beer and sat at the tables and sofa while the younger people sat or lay on the floor. This was one of the times that we as a family and friends talked and exchanged ideas.

I think these years taught me more how to listen than talk or express myself. It was almost understood that “children were seen and not heard” in this environment. Growing up in this type of family atmosphere probably made it different for me to meet and get to know people. I think I actually worked harder as I got older to open up and communicate with people I don’t know very well. (I am very much at ease talking to just about anyone now.) I am cognizant of people from my back ground and area of the country. If I hear a southern accent I always ask the person where they are from, how they got out here, and listen for a common connection to my life when I was younger.

The culture and language was very gender specific when I was growing up. It was a time when male and female were stereotyped and identified from my earliest memories. Girls and boys were often segregated in school and churche settings. Girls were expected to learn to sew, cook, and clean the house more so than boys. The boys were expected to do yard work, play football, and hang out with the boys. Seldom did I ever hear females use profanity or talk about sex, whereas this was a common occurrence with the boys (perhaps not that unusual). We always were aware and respectful with our language around adults. Usually out of fear for getting wacked or reprimanded.

Those were different times. I feel more comfortable in society now with the more open and free conversations. Hardly anything is gender specific and people just seem smarter!!!